Yesterday at 12:11 PM I was with my sweetheart, on N train crossing Manhattan bridge, going from Manhattan to Brooklyn. It was the exact time of the 2013 Winter Solstice officially taking place. The Sun is now slowly turning back to us making the days longer.
I like to celebrate Solstices, it connects my inner moods with the outer, Cosmic events. Like the mood of deep despair and darkness hits it’s peak at Winter Solstice and then starts to give way to lighter, brighter mood.
In the push and pull between those moods, the Sun always wins, although never completely:
There is also another thing. Many years ago I read that people who have house plants are happier than people who don’t. So I went ahead and rescued one plant from a garbage pile, was given another as a gift, impulsively purchased the third one at Home Depot and grew 3 more from grapefruit seeds. But I did all that in a sunny summer time. The plants were happy till the cold hit. My studio doesn’t have heat and the huge windows let the winds blow through. When in the last few weeks it reached 40 F inside I put a coat on and turned a small infrared heater facing me on. But had to leave the plants unprotected in the cold. I saw their leaves shiver and shrivel. I knew at least one of them will loose all it’s lush greens by the end of January. The others will go pale and yellow.
– Just wait and hold on to your roots, – I told them. – The Sun will return one day soon and will hug you again. Your greens will spring back.
It is the same thing I tell myself when I go through mentally dark time and can’t bear the pain anymore:
– Just wait and hold on tight to the crazy hope that make you alive. Your film will premiere and reach it’s audience. You’ll be able to pay rent by Summer Solstice. All will turn out well.
And so I grab the things that keep me alive and by stretching my arms try to get sunlight on them. Without a hope I won’t be able to get through the winter.
But sometimes all I want in an empathy. Please hold my hand and tell me all will be all right.