39 Months of Gestation: Dark Place.

They say that longer gestation in animals is correlated with more intelligence. Elephants gestate 24 months, sperm whales and dolphins up to 19, walruses – 16.

So far “Rocks In My Pockets” has gestated 39 months. I don’t know about it’s intelligence, but as it’s mother I feel depleted of nutrition and deprived of social joys.

While everybody seems to having a party, I have sunk deeper in the hole I had dug for myself 39 months ago.

– Can we get together? – a friend asks.

– Sure!- I say, because I love my friends.

– When?

I look in my calendar and I see nothing but work work work on the schedule every day.

– Uhm, this month is busy, but I expect next month will be less hectic. I’ll email you in in 3 weeks.

In three weeks we connect again only to discover my schedule has gotten more hectic. Friends stop calling/emailing/texting. I stop recognizing them when I see them at ASIFA-East events.

Then, in the deep dark hole the monsters appear. Of the usual kind – left hatred, fear and panic.

– Let me out! let me out! – I scream.

But everybody’s busy celebrating the start of the spring.


July 1st is the deadline we are aiming for.  Will the monsters let me live that long?

About rocksinmypocketsthemovie

I was born in Latvia, educated in Moscow, live in New York. I have made about 14 animated shorts so far.
This entry was posted in Depression. Personal Stories, Hazards of being an artist and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to 39 Months of Gestation: Dark Place.

  1. Xeth says:

    That’s a great drawing… the dark hole…

  2. marilyn says:

    courage — almost there! it will be an amazing baby. 🙂

  3. Schmal Talk says:

    Such an exceptional doodle!

  4. Jud says:

    Hi Signe! 🙂

  5. Keep it up Signe!

    Love and Happiness 😀

  6. Bob says:

    When I find myself in that hole, I get out my Lenny Bruce or Monty Python tapes. Laughter creates silver, monster-slaying swords. I know you will find it soon. This baby inside you is so big, so special.

  7. Ben says:

    This one’s particularly familiar. You have my empathy.
    Though I oftentimes feel nowadays that I’ve been way too resistant to go back down the hole. Time was I could throw myself into work and projects up to months at a time with minimal social stimulation and not let the isolation of it get to me. Now I can’t go more than a couple days without going stir-crazy and needing to talk to people, which is obviously more comfortable and fun and so the creative stuff begins to slide. I don’t know if that’s a sign that I’ve become a more social person or that I’m less at ease with my own company.
    You put things in an interesting perspective, and while it may seem like the world’s carrying on without you, it isn’t ending altogether. The people who understand and know how important this is to you will wait for you to re-emerge and be all the prouder that you followed through on this.
    Wishing you much fortitude. And hey, it was December five minutes ago, it’ll be July before you know it 🙂

  8. Sveika!
    Tikko atradu Jūsu mājaslapu, un mani tik neizsakāmi priecē, ka latviešu animātorei un māksliniecei ir izdevies sasniegt tik daudz – un es ar nepacietību gaidīšu, kad izdosies pabeigt “Rock in my pockets” un es ticu, ka Jums izdosies viss iecerētais. Galvenais ir nepadoties un es novēlu lai Jums būtu pietiekami pacietības & izturības & iedvesmas savu mērķu sasniegšanai!

    Mārīte no http://aerismade.blogspot.com/

  9. Esn says:

    I love this drawing.

    I feel a little similar to this working on my thesis…

    Then again, my whole family is in similar holes, except maybe for the one person who is retired. We’re all in our own holes, and none of the holes have connecting tunnels. We have access to ladders, but it takes so long to get in and out…

  10. Grant Lupher says:

    Signe, I applaud your courage in pursuing your creative vision in the face of the accompanying emotional distress.

  11. luminocturne says:

    God knows I know what you mean! I always think I’m going to go out, but when the time comes I usually end up working on my art, because there’s always so much to be done! If only I had works of genius to show for all my years of toil, it might make me feel less conflicted about it, but conflicted or not, the artmaking must go on………

    • I guess, once you train yourself to endure the pain (sitting alone in a room, drawing and drawing) you draw a pleasure from that pain.
      I don’t know anymore what people do when they have time. Go dancing? Drinking? Talking? I think I will need to take a class on how to have time.

  12. ivey says:

    I’m so sorry to hear signe. i now try to exercise and play ball with friends and i find that going out a bit instead of sitting down all day can help a great deal.

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