It is the season when viruses attack. They attack us for a reason – they love us and think we are delicious.
Under a microscope a rhinovirus looks like this:
To me it looks like a ball covered with penises:
But for some people it looks so cute they made a toy for children (a rhinovirus plush toy!):
If I had to make an animated character out of rhinovirus design, I would draw something like this (it is in an underwear because it goes to private and warm places):
But then I heard that rhinovirus spreads through air. It means it either floats or flies in the air. It probably has wings:
Now, equipped with wings the rhinovirus has a different look and even maybe gender. I’ve heard of the things that fly angels have wings too. The virus takes it’s belongings and moves through the air towards my nose.
– What a nice cave! – she says about my nostril. – It is warm and humid. It has nice little grass! (it is my nose hair, you virus!) I think, I’ll live here.
So she moves in:
First thing of all, she sets up a camp: a little tent and a campfire, to keep herself comfortable:
My body is alerted about the camper without a permit and tries to flush the site with a load of snot:
The load of snot is about as precise as shooting a shotgun in the sky in attempt to get a duck. The virus stays and brings her friends to fight against eviction:
The friends decide that enemies must be fought on the frontline of the war, so they sharpen their axes, tie ropes around their waists and lower themselves through the nasal passage into the throat. With no discussions or offers of negotiation they start chipping at the live flesh:
When the body reacts with more snot and fits of cough that almost throws the virus and her friends out of the throat and nose, they find cotton balls and stuff with them nasal passage to protect themselves from the tides of fluids and sneeze earthquakes. I can’t breathe. They re-start the campfire:
In the end, the bigger size wins:
My body produces enough snot and enough cough to get the virus out. In 5 days the virus is back into the air, homeless again.
But that is not an end to the story. There is another virus sneaking about. This time it is Norovirus. I caught it this weekend:
It actually looks cute, doesn’t it? A little ball with handles, or hands. It calls to be drawn like this:
It would make a nice animated character (it doesn’t have even underwear because it goes to places too dark and private) :
Apparently, one get the virus from a food that was contaminated with fecal matter:
Or from the doorknobs that have been touched with contaminated fecal matter:
I don’t know how I got it (see “Contagion” for the information). I ate some food, I opened some doors, licked some doorknobs. You live in a society and you are supposed to fit in. You’d be laughed out of the subway if you cleaned each seat with clorox wipes. Shit happens. Eat it.
Once in the body, the Norovirus goes straight to small intestine and settles comfortably in. It pushes upcoming food back up (vomit) and outgoing food out (diarrhea). It has a good time doing so:
The virus brought a few water buckets with him, to make sure everything moves out fast:
But his success is also his shortcoming. By swiftly getting rid of the food in the intestine the virus has undermined his own well being. Now it is starved and has nothing to cling to:
The intestine sheds it’s lining and with the lining – the virus. The virus falls out to meet his next host:
After 24 hours of moaning and groaning I am feeling just well enough to write on my adventures with viruses.