The Wonder of Eyes.

Can eyes sneeze ? Can they fart? One keeps hearing about how “eyes are person’s windows to his/her soul” and am pretty sure Soul has some bodily functions just like everything else. Can Soul vomit through her windows if she has had enough?

There is a pocket under one of my eyes and lately it has seen some strange action – as if two animals hiding in the pocket were bothered by a sneaky mouse.

The mouse favors jumping on their heads when am talking to other people. The pocket is moving and shacking and I wonder if anybody else sees what is going on.

– Enough! – I tell to the animals. – Get the mouse already!

But the mouse returns and keeps up with her game.

My problem with the animals in the under eye pocket is nothing compared to the problem my friend used to have with his eyeballs. When he wanted to look at something the two men in the socket in charge of eyeball movement started to fight.

– Go my direction, – one of them said and pulled the eyeball to his side.

– That’s silly, my direction is so much better, – the other one fought back.

My friend couldn’t look at anything in time to see it so he went to a surgeon to cut one of the men out. The surgeon was happy to cut and put one of the eye socket men into the biohazard waste basket.

– You will never have this problem again, – he told my friend while washing his handsome hands of blood and eye scum.

And it was true – my friend never had this particular problem again. Once he took the gauzes off he discovered that the remaining  little man was depressed. He missed good old fight and was not interested to have the freedom to put the eyeball in any direction he wanted.

Strangely, my friend’s luck with women run out, too. A man who’s one eye looked to the right while the left eye couldn’t decide where to look had seemed charming to them. They found fixed, stable gaze repelling. My friend cried and repented but it was too late. He spends his evenings alone now, reading fancy books.

The eyes are strange, when you think of it. They are the second human organ that has foreskin. Ah, the sexy eyelids.

And eyes are the only organ who’s foreskin humans prefer to keep. I have nothing against circumcision, I went to my friends son’s bris once and it made perfect sense – the community claims it’s male member by the special ritual and marking. But what if there was a culture that invented cutting off eyelids? Would that culture survive? Would it’s members live long enough to replicate?

Ah, the pondering.

Then there is this business of eye sockets and eye balls. In a certain light the iris looks like a nipple to me:

Talking about nipples. You know how female dogs have many nipples to feed the many offspring when they spring up?

Well, I was wondering what would happen if I had about as many eyes? One set of eyes for normal human vision, the other – for infrared, and the third – for x-ray vision. It would also be good to have a pair of eyes that have lie detector and another pair that would be able to see 360 degrees, but that might be too much to ask.

The problem with this set-up would be not that you’d see everything at the same time in true colors, but that you couldn’t go out and be socially acceptable. Humans are social animals, we need other’s love and assurance. I’d have to cover up my extra eyes.

The problem with the eyes that they are everywhere – I find them looking at me from my tea and they are definitely hiding in the eggshells, so beware when you crack the eggs. The eyes will fall onto the pan and stare you down.

In my female body the eye is the only organ that tries to escape from me (I heard there is another organ in a male body that does the same thing).  It always looks out for the best hiding place and if you aren’t looking it might run towards the horizon. If not for the umbilical cord that holds us together I’d be eyeless.

Eyes always aspire for the next good thing, they are always in front of us, searching for future.

But sometimes it would be good if we had a couple of eyes behind us, looking out for us when someone/something from the past tries to attack.

Just in case if my eyes read this:

– I love you, I need you, stay with me forever.

So be it.

About rocksinmypocketsthemovie

I was born in Latvia, educated in Moscow, live in New York. I have made about 14 animated shorts so far.
This entry was posted in Hazards of being an artist, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to The Wonder of Eyes.

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